Pre-relocation stress

Being stressed before you make a big change in your life is something all of us probably have experienced in our lives. I think I can list a few such changes in my life as well:

  • Enrolling into a school. Well, this doesn’t count I guess, because at age of 7 I was not deeply in what I was doing.
  • Quitting school after 8 years and enrolling into a college. Well, that was my first big change I executed entirely myself.
  • Quitting college after 2 years and enrolling into university. This was a big fight.
  • Finding the first job
  • Quitting the first job! This was emotional.
  • Traveling first time on airplane for a conference alone
  • Traveling for the first time abroad
  • Accepting a job offer in different city and relocating with one luggage bag
  • Getting married
  • Accepting a job offer abroad and relocating together with my wife (still in progress)

Every time before the move it felt worrisome, but after the move is done, it opened a new world for me. It is like you jump over a big wall, and now you can go further and you don’t regret.

What was the most difficult part? Telling everyone around and explaining the move I plan to make. It was always tough. All people around are trying to make you uneasy about your change, probably because of envy, probably because of egoism, whatever… For instance this time I make a move abroad everyone in Yandex asks something like “do you have kids?”. Why do they ask this? Why does this matter? Not sure, probably because they have some horrendous shit in their minds about travelling with kids and they try to infect you with it. I don’t know. Probably they thought about similar move and gave up when they considered moving with kids…

So, the best way to think about a change: let everyone else be concerned! I don’t care, I will survive no matter what, and I am going to enjoy myself in the process! That’s it. Don’t let confusion, fear and uncertainty drive you fearful of any change.

More change you make, less difficult the next big thing is. My wife is certainly a little stressed. She has never moved long-term any further than within the city yet. Well, I have to support her and calm her down from time to time. But… even a doubtful wife is not a valid reason not to make any move. Why? Because you don’t want your wife to be someone who “killed” your aspirations. At the very end of you life you don’t want to be sad about all opportunities you have missed because of fear and doubt. At the end, untaken opportunities always look brighter than they were at a time. “If only I was brave enough to do this…” — I don’t think I want this type of thoughts popping up in my brain at any time in the future.

The same story with kids. Do you want to tell your kids something like this: “I was given a great opportunity, but just because of you little bastards I have missed it”? I certainly don’t want this at all. So, my idea for those with kids — disregard, pack their stuff and go together.


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4 Responses to Pre-relocation stress

  1. There are obvious difficulties when moving abroad with kids. I would say it is three times more difficult and challenging. When you discuss the move with someone he/she evaluates it from her/his point of view given your situation. Wife, kids, health, salary – all this matters that is why people are asking about all this (though the health questions are not polite).

    • I understand all this. But this doesn’t change the fact that delivering reasoning to relatives, parents, friends and colleagues is probably the hardest thing emotionally.

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